Gwyneth Paltrow has received a lot of ridicule and triggered anger within people about her 'conscious uncoupling' statement. I think that it's fantastic that this concept is being talked about today in the mainstream. I'm seeing more of it happening among friends and family, and that's a good thing that is teaching us all about new possibilities in the world of relationship endings, especially where children are involved.
Being 'conscious' about an ending doesn't mean
it doesn't hurt, and that there isn't sadness there. Among other things
it means addressing your own inner child issues and wounds instead of
projecting blame on the other, dealing with things as a healthy, whole,
adult and taking responsibility for how you choose to live your life.
Sometimes one partner does want to separate consciously, and another
doesn't, so of course it isn't always possible to have combined harmony.
But good on the couples, and parents, who can do it.
The fact is,
parents need to continue to co-parent their children after divorce and
all power to them if they can do that in a conscious, healthy way. I
think this would take tremendous inner strength, and we should surely be
encouraging this not attacking it! Bitterness toward each other is
felt by the children, and affects so much of who the children are and
become, including affecting their blueprint for relationships.
parents divorced when I was 7 in the days when the judge told my dad it
was best to emotionally separate from us, and even though we continued
to see each other it affected him and us - which we've done a lot of
work on since! (I'll never forget the day Dad watched an episode of
Oprah on this topic, called me up, and said "Oh, I get it!!") Thank
goodness we are evolving from those days!!
Divorce isn't easy on anyone,
but I have to give my parents credit for never talking badly about each
other to us and doing it the best way they knew how. Okay, we didn't
all continue to go away on happy family trips such as the one Gwyneth
and fam are apparently on right now, but if they are all able to do that
and they feel peaceful about it, good for them.
As a kid I knew divorce
was tough, but I have a deeper understanding of how difficult it must
be in every way, since becoming a parent myself and watching close
friends navigate it every day. Sending love, respect and admiration to
all you parents out there who are co-parenting after divorce the best
way you can!
(c) Dana Mrkich 2014