We have this little flower plant on our front porch. It doesn't bloom very often or for long, but when it does it is so beautiful. It bloomed this week, just as I went to get some fertility tests done. I thought that was a good sign ✔️ As I watched the screen and saw an egg preparing to ovulate I was so excited that my body was doing that!
After nearly 3 years of trying to conceive our second bub, at times it has felt like my body has packed up shop despite every effort to revive the reproduction factory. Then suddenly there it all is on screen. "Uterus looking great, tubes wonderful and clear, juicy egg growing and getting ready to ovulate!" said the sonographer and gynocologist who bless their hearts must see this ten times a day but acted as enthusiastic as if it was the first time ever.
I can see why so many women conceive after having this particular test, or starting the prep for fertility treatment. Seeing the visual on screen of your body doing what it is meant to do, combined with experts by your side cheering your body on, is the fertility equivalent of a basketball game pep talk 5 minutes before the buzzer sounds. It's the coach saying "You got this." As time goes on, the more I've appreciated how long this has taken. I've introduced so many awesome clean, organic, superfoody foods into my daily diet. I stopped working until past midnight and am now tucking myself into bed much earlier. I've chillaxed on the to do list and deleted things from my schedule that were depleting me.
I've realised how completely ridiculous my former worries were about "the sibling age gap" and now deeply trust more than ever that all is unfolding as it should. I've let go of trying, and I've trekked down a dirt road in Mexico, looking for the local curandera healing woman's house so she can do her famous Mayan Fertility Massage. It was important for me to try everything natural and holistic out there before I could let go of the belief I could never do IVF. If that turns out to be the next step then so be it.
For all you out there on this fertility journey, it sucks and it is special all at the same time.